A Woman’s Victory by Yu Hua
i.
A woman named LinHong, while organizing a drawer belonging to a man named Li HanLin, discovered a well-worn envelope, neatly folded over itself. She opened the envelope and pulled out another envelope, folded exactly the same. She once again opened the envelope, and once again found another folded envelope. When she opened that one, she found a key.
The aluminum key did not appear particularly odd, so why was it concealed by three envelopes? LinHong took the key in her hand. It obviously was often used, since it had lost some of its shine. Based on its weight, she judged that it was not a door key, but probably belonged to a lock on a drawer or suitcase. She stood up, walked to the writing desk across the room, and stabbed the key into the lock on the drawer. She could not open it. She went over to his suitcase and tried again, and realizing it did not fit, she went around and tried every lock in the house, but nothing opened.
This key was a most unwelcome stranger in their house.
That afternoon, the thirty-five year old LinHong was consumed by doubt, fear, and the disquiet of second guessing. She took the key and walked out to the balcony, where she remained motionless for a long time, only the sun rays moving along her body. She felt utterly helpless. After some indefinite time the phone rang. She stood up to answer it. Her husband, who was currently at some far off hotel, was calling.
Her husband said, “LinHong. This is Li HanLin. I’ve arrived and checked in and everything is going well. Are you all good?”
All good? She genuinely did not know. She stood up, phone in her hand, a voice at the other end of it was calling, “Hey! Hello? Can you hear me?”
She said, “I hear you.”
The other voice said, “I’m hanging up now.”
The determinate sound of the dial tone rang through. She set the phone down and returned to the balcony, where she continued to look at the key.
Her husband’s call was just a formality; it was just to tell her that he still exists.
He definitely still existed. His change of clothes were still lying on the balcony, his smiling face peering down from picture frames; a few of his friends had even called, unaware that he was travelling, “What?” they had said, “Away on business?”
But right now, her husband’s existence boiled down to this key in her hand. What was this rusting, well-worn key hiding from her? Just like the envelopes had worked together to conceal one another, only the unraveling of time would expose what the key hid. She had a sinking premonition that pain was coming for her. She heard someone’s footsteps climb up the stairs. Step by step they got closer to her, then they stopped in front of her door. After a moment, they continued walking up.
The next morning, LinHong arrived at Li HanLin’s work unit. She told one of his coworkers that she had to retrieve something for her husband. The coworker recognized her and was unbothered by her presence. He pointed her toward Li HanLin’s desk.
She twisted the key into the lock and it opened. This is how she discovered her husband’s secret, stuffed in a manila envelope. There were two pictures of the same woman. In one she was wearing a bikini standing on the beach, and the other was a black and white headshot. This woman was certainly younger than LinHong, but not prettier. There were a few letters stuffed inside as well, all signed by Qing Qing. This name made her eyes burn. Qing Qing. This was definitely a pet name. A complete stranger was signing cards to her husband with an infantile pet name. Her hand began to tremble. The letters themselves were full of sweet nothings and nonsense only enjoyed by lovers. This woman and Li HanLin met often. They called each other to plan their getaways. Their letters dripped with free flowing expressions of passion.
And in one of the letters, this woman let Li HanLin know that her number was now: 4014548.
ii.
LinHong grabbed the phone and punched in the seven digits: 4014548. The phone chirped at her for a bit before a woman answered.
“Hello.”
LinHong said, “I’m looking for Qing Qing.”
The other end said, “That’s me. Who’s calling?”
This voice made LinHong go speechless, the hand holding the phone quivered, she said, “I am Li HanLin’s wife…”
For a moment, no one spoke—only the sound of breathing from the other end. LinHong sucked a deep breath in and said, “You are shameless! A despicable horrible woman! You are—”
She actually did not know what else she should say. Her whole consciousness became focused on her trembling body. The voice on the other end said, “You should direct this kind of talk to your husband.”
“You vile woman!” LinHong screamed into the phone, “You have wrecked our family! You vile—”
“I didn’t wreck your family,” the voice from the phone said, “You should relax. I don’t want to break you guys up. I have no interest in taking things to the next level with him. I’m good with how things are. I don’t want to marry him. Not every woman is like you…”
Then the dial tone. LinHong was shaking from head to toe. Tears rushed furiously out of her eyes and she could not force herself to put down the phone. After some long amount of time, LinHong finally put the phone down, but she still stood where she was. Within seconds, she picked up the phone that had just taken so much effort to set down and dialed 5867346. The man on the other end answered, “Hello, Hey—who is this? Why aren’t you talking?”
“It’s LinHong…” she said.
“Ah, LinHong.” he said, “Has Li HanLin come back yet?”
“Not yet.” she said.
“Why not? Hasn’t he already been gone awhile? That’s right, I guess it hasn’t been too long. I saw him just three days ago. What’s he doing? I bet he is out selling their water purifier, right? That water purifier is a total ripoff. He gave me one and I tested it. I poured one cup using the water purifier and another just straight from the tap and I couldn’t see a difference and then I tasted both and I still could not figure out which one was clea…”
“Do you know Qing Qing?” she interrupted.
“Qing Qing?” he said.
The voice on the other side did not say anything, but LinHong was willing to wait.
“I don’t know her.” the voice said.
LinHong, with a great deal of effort to preserve a calm tone, “Li HanLin is cheating on me. He’s with some woman named Qing Qing. I just found out everything today. They meet up often, talk on the phone, write each other little letters. Their relationship has clearly been going on for a year or more…”
“I’m not involved in Li HanLin’s personal business. I don’t know a woman named Qing Qing. Maybe this is some misunderstanding on your end. I’m not even that good of friends with him…I’m sorry. Someone’s at the door. Can you wait a moment…”
The man on the other end of the line set down the phone. After a moment, she could hear two men talking. The phone was picked up again and the voice said, “Still there?”
“You have company. I’ll just drop it.”
“Let’s talk later.”
The dial tone chimed again. LinHong did not set the phone down. She grabbed Li HanLin’s contact book, found the number for one of his friends, and typed it in: 8801946.
She heard the other person answer, “Hello?”
“It’s LinHong.” LinHong said.
The voice through the phone said, “Ah LinHong…how are you? And Li HanLin, how’s he doing?”
After a moment of hesitation, “Do you know Qing Qing?”
There was a long pause from the other end, so she continued, “Li HanLin has been cheating on me with this woman…”
“I don’t think so.” the voice said, “Li HanLin wouldn’t do that kind of thing. Trust me. Maybe you’re…it could be that you’re overthinking a bit…”
“I have proof,” LinHong said, “I found letters that she wrote him, and some pictures she sent him. I just called her.”
“I simply don’t know anything about it.”
The voice on the other end sounded cold. She could tell that he was not willing to talk more, so she set down the phone and returned to the balcony. Tears streamed out of her as soon as she sat down. There were a few more friends of his she could call but she could not bring herself to pick up the phone again. They would not be on her side. They would just protect Li HanLin, because they are his friends. A long time ago, she had her own friends too. They were named ZhaoPing, LiNi, and ShenZhu. But after marrying Li HanLin, she drifted away from them. His friends were her friends. She got along with them fine, and would go out shopping with their wives. After getting married, the wives of his friends replaced ZhaoPing, LiNi, and ShenZhu. She did not have a single friend of her own.
She did not know anything about ZhaoPing or LiNi, but she did have ShenZhu’s number. They had run into each other about a year ago and ShenZhu had given her number. This would be LinHong’s first time calling it.
ShenZhu’s husband answered and asked her to wait a second, then ShenZhu said, “Hello, who is this?”
“It’s me, LinHong.”
The voice on the other end let out a cry of joy. Letting forth a deluge of happy words ShenZhu said, “The sound of your voice makes me so happy. I’ve called you a few times, but no one answered. Are you good? We haven’t seen each other in so long, what has it been, over a year? How can this be? So many years without getting together the four of us! Have you heard from ZhaoPing or LiNi? Are you good? How are you? All good?”
“I’m not good.” LinHong said.
ShenZhu was quiet on the other end. “Sorry, what was that?” she said after a moment.
“My husband is cheating on me. He’s with this other woman…”
ShenZhu, struggling to be heard over LinHong’s sobs, said, “Tell me everything.”
“Yesterday,” LinHong started, “Yesterday I was cleaning up his drawer and I found this folded up envelope. I opened it and there were two more envelopes inside of it. The third envelope had a key, and just looking at it gave me a bad feeling. I tried every lock in the house, but none opened. I thought that it might open a drawer in his office, so yesterday morning I went down there and I found the letters some woman had written him, and two pictures…”
“How awful!” ShenZhu shouted into the phone.
Those two words signaled to LinHong that someone was finally on her side. Her aggrieved heart could finally be splayed out for friendly ears, “I’ve given him everything. I’ve never wanted a life like this. Every waking moment I’m thinking of him and his interests, what he’s going to eat, what he should wear. Since marrying him, I’ve completely lost myself. There is only him. He has full control of my heart, yet this whole time he’s been out—”
At this point, her words gave way to convulsing sobs.
ShenZhu asked, “So, what are you going to do?”
Through tears she responded, “I don’t know.”
“I’ll tell you what you’re going to do,” ShenZhu said, “Don’t be weak, and do not be forgiving. You must punish him. From here on out, you will not cry again, and you will certainly not let him see you cry. You must put on an iron mask. Do not give him any attention. Do not make him another meal, do not wash his clothes again. And whatever you do, do not let him sleep in the bed. He can sleep on the couch. At the very least he should sleep there for a year. He will beg you. He will get on his knees, he’ll lie on the ground and embarrass himself, but you cannot soften at all. He will make you promises—men love to make promises—he will swear on his life and his speech will sound like a broken dog howling, but you cannot believe him. You must make him understand that adultery has consequences. Make him endure suffering every single day until he thinks that he can’t take it anymore. Until he actually considers that death might be preferable to living this way.”
iii.
A few days later, Li HanLin came home. He saw LinHong sitting on the balcony and, thoughtlessly tossing his suitcase on the couch, walked over to her. He noticed her frozen and said, “What’s wrong?”
Her eyes were fixed on the rug. Li HanLin stood there waiting but when she was just about to speak, he turned back inside. He opened his suitcase and tossed his dirty clothes on the couch. He peered over at LinHong—who was still looking down—and unhappily said, “Why are you acting like this?”
LinHong shifted her body and faced outward. Li HanLin continued to unpack and when everything was strewn on the couch he turned toward her, and red in the face yelled, “What the fuck is wrong with you? I come home to a sullen, sulking face. What have I done to deserve this? You—”
He went quiet. He saw her hand extending the key toward him. His mind buzzed, a swarm of unformulated excuses. Without a word he walked back to the bedroom and opened the drawer. There was a folded up magazine which he brushed aside. He swept his hand through every nook in the drawer, but there was no folded up envelope.
His breathing became strained.
Li HanLin walked to the bedroom window and stood there for about half an hour. Then he walked back out to LinHong. He bowed his head, his body too slumped down, and he said, “Did you go to my office?”
LinHong sat motionless. He said, “Did you read Qing Qing’s letters?”
Her shoulders shuddered. He hesitated for a moment then put his hand on LinHong’s shoulder, which she ferociously shrugged off. He pulled back, his hand limp at his side.
He took that hand and slipped it into his pocket, “Fine. It’s going to be like that. I met Qing Qing two years ago, at a friend’s house. She was my friend’s cousin, and they often got together. One day, I ran into her on the street, and after that we started to meet up. She lives with her parents and I live with you, so you could say the conditions weren’t optimal. What I mean is we haven’t been physical. We meet in public places like the movies or a park. We go for walks. We’ve only kissed…”
He noticed LinHong started to cry and pulled his hand out of his pocket and reached for her shoulder, which she completely retracted. He could only bring his hand back, which he used to rub his forehead. He continued, “I’m telling you everything. Even if you never found out, we would never go any further than that. I love this family. I would never destroy this family that you and I have built together—”
Hearing this, LinHong jerked up and stormed into the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Li HanLin stood frozen. After about five minutes, he walked to the door, softly knocked twice and said, “From here on out, I will never see Qing Qing again.”
iv.
LinHong thought: He did not beg, he did not kneel on the ground, he did not grovel, he did not swear to God, and he did not say anything that could possibly be construed as an apology.
But he slept on the couch. At least ShenZhu was right about that. Before finally heading to the couch, he stood at the foot of the bed for a long time. Like a finicky shopkeeper, meticulously weighing his goods, he considered for a long time before he ultimately chose the couch.
By choosing the couch, he chose to remain silent. He also chose to live a separate life from her. He would never discuss Qing Qing with her again, but he could no longer play the part of the husband. He scuttled around the house, attempting to be completely quiet. He did not turn on the TV. He confined his entire existence to the couch—if he was not sitting on it, then he was lying on it. He read all the time. He had never read before, but now he practically never stopped.
Though when she came out, he would immediately put it down and set his eyes on her. He was both trying to get a read on her, and convey that, no, he had not immersed himself in the pleasure of reading, but he was still very much upset.
His silence infuriated her. What did he think was going to happen? If he just slipped off into silence he would get away scot-free?
The issue was not whether or not she could endure this arrangement. It was that she could not allow him to have peace.
She started to provoke him.
She saw him sitting on the couch, his legs extended out on the ground, and headed to the balcony and kicked his legs as hard as she could—as if they were in her way at all. Then, once on the balcony, she waited for his reaction. Except there was none. He did not shout in pain. She only waited a minute before she headed back to the bedroom, noticing with some pleasure that his legs were pulled up onto the couch.
She continued to provoke him.
That same night she walked over to the couch and threw his blanket, clothes, and all of his shoes on the ground and, turning the TV on, sat down next to him.
He got up from the couch, sat on the ground on the balcony, and continued to read. She knew this was nothing more than fake modesty, as if he were not worthy to sit on the couch with her, not worthy of watching TV with her. He kept reading on the ground, only getting up a few times to stretch, after which he would immediately return to his book. Only when she returned to the bedroom did he get up and go back to the couch. He fell asleep with all of his things still on the floor.
His silence was boundless, and she felt paralyzed. All of her provocations got no response, like a stone falling into the sea without even a ripple. So she tried another. This time, when she went to the couch, she laid down and fell asleep watching TV.
Her plan was to entice him to return to the soft bed. Like a moth to the flame, he would crawl back to the comfort of the bedroom and reward her with an opportunity to fight with him. But when she woke up on the couch, he was sleeping in a chair, his pillow on the dinner table.
He was putting his tail between his legs, as if he were punishing himself, and this type of punishment also took a toll on her. She had tears that would not come out—wanted to scream but could not. Her rage was trapped in her chest, which burned only her. She had already given up hope of him grovelling, or kneeling, or anything that ShenZhu had said. She didn’t even really want that to happen anymore. She just wanted an opportunity to scream and shriek, even if it led to them throwing blows at each other.
But he rejected this opportunity which in turn rejected her chosen form of punishment. He had sentenced himself and had fastidiously complied to the point that he had grown accustomed to this terrible new way of life. Every morning, she now watched him leave the house, only to return late. There was not any harm in that, after all his work unit was much farther away than hers. He had always kept long hours. He got lunch at work, but she didn’t know where he was eating dinner. She certainly was not making him any food, and he did not so much as look at the kitchen. When he got home, he simply headed to the couch and picked up a book. He was going through books at quite a pace. He had completely upended her life, but had now found a new rhythm for himself. She started grinding her teeth now, desperate to release the anger within her.
One night she stood on the balcony and looked down at the restaurant below when he unexpectedly walked out of it. Now she knew where he got his food from. Her whole body tremored. Here she was, each day as heavy as a year, but he—he came and went as he pleased, leading quite a pleasant life. She rushed downstairs, and actually brushed past him, but did not so much as look at him. Even though she had already eaten, headed straight to the restaurant that he had just exited. She ordered a few dishes and a drink, but after just two bites, she could not eat anymore.
She ate her next three dinners at the restaurant. She felt bad about spending the money. She used their shared account, which did not have much to begin with. They didn’t have enough for some basic essentials—certainly not enough to eat out every meal—this thought alone was enough to keep her out of the restaurant, and she went back to make a simple dinner at home.
But as she sat on the balcony and watched him down below she could not stop herself from marching back down to the restaurant. She sat down at a table by the door and glared at him until he noticed her. She watched him eat his noodles. She watched the others enjoy their broth. Only he had a wretched air about the way he ate. Her heart unexpectedly hurt for him.
So she went home and prepared dinner for two. She placed an empty bowl in a conspicuous spot on the table and rested a pair of chopsticks on top. She hoped that when he entered he would notice. On this front, he did not let her down. When he entered, he watched with glistening eyes as she poured a bowl for herself, then tentatively let his eyes meet hers, hoping he could have some too. Even though he had already eaten his noodles—spent the evening slurping at that table—he drained every morsel of the bowl she presented him.
By the time he finished, she was already back in the room with the door closed. She laid on the bed and heard him open the door, walk to the foot of the bed, stand there for a moment, before finally sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Can we talk for a moment?” he said.
She met his request with silence.
“I said, can we talk!”
Again, she was silent. She hoped that he would start talking and not stop until he had sufficiently admitted fault—through tears and self-deprecations. He should get on his knees like Shenzhu said he would. Promise to be better and admit that he was wrong. She paid attention to everything in the room except for him, waiting for this. But all that he said was, “Can we talk for a moment?”
He sat on the bed for a long time. Once he realized she was not going to speak, he got up and left. When she heard him close the door gently behind him, the tears poured out. If he could just walk out without taking responsibility, then the bowl of noodles had changed nothing. He was back on the couch. They were back at square one.
v.
Twenty-six days passed like this. At last, Li HanLin could not take it anymore. He told LinHong: Every joint in my body aches, I can’t even turn my neck, and my stomach constantly hurts from the stress. So, he said, “This living arrangement has to end.”
Some strength had returned to his voice. He no longer was cautiously tiptoeing, now he stood in front of his wife with a confident energy, “I have sufficiently atoned. It is you who refuses to forgive me. If we keep this living situation, it’s not just me, but you’ll suffer too. I’ve had enough of it, so I think our only—”
He paused a moment, “Divorce is our only option.”
While he was saying all this, LinHong had her back turned to him, but when he uttered the word “divorce” she whipped around and shouted, “Don’t you dare think about leaving me. You are the one who hurt me, and yet you have suffered nothing. You want to run away? You want to run off with Qing Qing? Well I’m not signing anything. You want a divorce? Go for it. I’ll hold it up until we’re both old, until we’re dead…”
She saw as a smile spread across Li HanLin’s face. He was fine letting things play out. Even if his hair turned gray or he died, he was not going to raise any objection to her drawing out the divorce proceedings. He could leave. He could force his way back into bed. She stood before him utterly powerless, and the tears flowed. This was shame. She had endured twenty-six days of misery, and he was smiling. She was waiting, futilely, for him to repent—at the very least cry one time, offer some sign of regret. Instead, he stood in front of her and said with complete confidence, “Divorce is our only option.”
She brought her hand to her face to wipe the tears away. Finally she said, “Fine. Let’s get divorced.”
His smile disappeared in a flash. She turned back to the bedroom, locked the door, and fell asleep with her clothes on.
vi.
They walked down the street, headed to the office where they had first signed their marriage papers. Now, on their second visit, they were to destroy it. Li HanLin walked in front, and LinHong behind him. Whenever he got too far ahead, he would wait a moment for her to catch up. No one said a word. Li HanLin kept his head down, and she could not see if he was smiling or not. She wore a smile on her face, which was like leaves fluttering to the ground to begin their mournful decay.
They passed stores that they had entered many times together. They walked past the bus stops where they had waited…waited just like this. As they walked, it was as if time began to flow backwards. They came across Sunset Cafe. Li HanLin stopped. He wanted to go in. All those years ago, when they were leaving the marriage license office for the first time, they had stopped here. He had ordered a cup of coffee. She had drunk a Sprite.
“Let’s stop in for a drink,” he said to her.
She walked past him, but turned around. He stood in front of the entrance.The two words “Sunset Cafe” in unlit neon above him. She acquiesced and they entered together. The cafe was fairly empty. He chose the seats facing the window. He ordered a cup of coffee. She wanted a Sprite.
Li HanLin was the first to smile, which made LinHong smile in turn. But they were both quick to stifle them. He looked out the window. She looked around the cafe. Her eyes fell on a colorfully dressed young woman. She was sitting to their left, and—LinHong noticed—was staring at them with a strange expression on her face. A name flashed in LinHong’s chest: Qing Qing.
LinHong stared at her husband, who had also noticed Qing Qing. He must not have anticipated meeting her here, since his face was full of shock. From LinHong’s glare, he knew that she understood who that was.
LinHong said, “So you told her?”
He said, “What do you mean?”
“You let her know that we’re getting divorced, so she came here.”
“No.”
Her heart was full of sadness. She said, “No wonder you seem so anxious.”
“No,” he said, “she doesn’t know anything.”
She stared into his eyes. There was something in his resolute face that made her believe him. She looked at the young women; Young Qing Qing, staring at them.
“She keeps staring at us. Why don’t you go over there and talk to her?”
“No.” Maybe the only word he remembered.
She kept staring at him. His features turned soft. She glanced at Qing Qing, who was, for the first time, not looking at them and drinking from her mug. She had one leg crossed over the other. Qing Qing’s movements were jerky, like she was not fully in control of herself. Her husband was looking out the window, his face warm and dignified.
“Kiss me.” she said.
He turned toward her, mouth agape.
“This is our last chance so kiss me one last time.”
He nodded and stretched toward her.
“I want you to sit next to me and kiss me.”
He moved his chair up next to her body and pressed his lips onto her cheek.
“Hold me.” she said.
He embraced her and she felt as his lips found their way to her mouth. Her tongue extended into his mouth and she clutched him with both hands. The kiss felt as long and deep as the night. She used her hands to control his body. Her tongue controlling his mouth. She sent a glow of energy from her body to his, infinitely expanding in and around him. Her eyes were fixed on Qing Qing throughout the duration of the kiss, who was peering back at them. Qing Qing put her cup down with an unsettled motion and leapt out of her seat. When her silhouette disappeared from the cafe, LinHong knew she would never reenter their lives. She felt joy. No—she felt victory. Twenty six days of anger and hurt and insomnia and emptiness and it ends in victory.
She moved her body away from him, and her lips followed. With a smile she said, “Let’s go home.”
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